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5月26日 Top 5 Bike Crashes with CarsFortunately, this morning I just got hit for the fifth time on a bicycle, so I can write a Top 5 list on this subject.
1. The guy coming out of his bat cave
So I was riding my bike to work, minding my own business, when I approached a stop sign. Across the street walked two attractive young women. As I made the turn, I looked away from the women and shot a quick glance to the left to make double sure no cars were coming. All clear. As I made the turn, still looking at the women, I noticed way too late that a car was speeding forward out of its driveway. I had time to turn slightly and unclip my pedals, and WHAM! I bounced off the hood and did a somersault onto the pavement. Crowd, police, ambulance ride -- it was a bona fide scene.
2. The dude in the pickup truck
Again, I was minding my own business, riding past a line of cars in the left lane, when all of a sudden a pickup truck pulls out into the right lane -- my lane -- and slams on his brakes. My front wheel hit his bumper and my chest slammed into the back of his gate, knocking the wind out of me. I sat down on the sidewalk to shake it off. The driver got out and asked if I was OK ("Dude!"), but I couldn't speak. A woman who worked in the laundromat came out and asked me about twenty times if I needed a glass of water. All I wanted to do was get away from the dude and the hydrophiliac, so as soon as I could breathe, I got on my bike and rode off. For all I know, my glasses are still in the back of that guy's truck.
3. The BYU student who cut me off
I've written about this before. A driver made eye contact with me while passing me, and then made a right turn right in front of me, cutting me off and turning my front wheel into a taco.
4. The Qwest guy in the van
This morning, while minding my own business, I passed a line of cars on the right and arrived at the front of the line just as the light turned green. The Qwest guy didn't have his blinker on, so I kept riding. He turned. Thump. Neither of us were going fast, so I managed to stay on my bike as I angled my shoulder and elbow into the side of the van while he completed his turn. He must have heard the thump or seen me in his side-view mirror, because he stopped. I rode around him. He motioned for me to pull over, but I was on Wendy's fancy electric bike, and there's something about the self-propulsion that makes you not want to stop and talk to people.
5. The overwhelmed soccer mom
The Alpine Loop is one of the best road rides in the whole wide world, but there are some steep switchback turns on the narrow two-lane road that makes the ride treacherous. A frazzled woman in a Suburban took up both sides of the road, leaving me no choice but to skid and slide under her. She stopped, got out, and dearly wanted to know if I was OK. I told her that I was fine apart from a few scratches, but my bike was a mess. The important thing for her was that I was OK, so she drove off without saying another word, leaving me on the side of the road with a crimped bike. I had to find someone else to drive me home.
Speaking of overwhelmed soccer mom's here's the most disturbing story I've ever heard. In Colorado Springs, a Mormon woman in our old ward was taking a bunch of her kids to church. As she backed up out of her driveway, she heard a thump, so she stopped and pulled forward, creating a second thump. She had run over her 3-year-old girl. Refusing to panic and do something crazy like call 911, the woman scooped up the child, put her in the car, and drove to church, where she dropped off all the children who hadn't been run over, and then she drove to the hospital. In all fairness, the mother was probably in shock and couldn't think straight, so I'm being too harsh. Still, her child died. I told you it was disturbing. 5月20日 Top 5 Shapes for Bicycle Wheels1. Circular
Currently the dominant geometric shape both in market share and mind share. The smooth, graceful ride overcomes any perceived lack of a "Wow-factor."
2. Octagonal
Imagine the look on your friends' faces when you show up at the top of Hog's Hollow with eight-sided wheels. Let's just say you'll grab their attention.
3. Hexagonal
The hex wheel has a bumpy ride compared to the smoother octo, increasing the probability of pinch flats.
Note: Any brake that grips the rim, such as the popular V brake model, won't work well with this bike -- you're much better off with disc brakes, which grip at the hub. For best results, use the default circular disc brake.
4. Square
Picture yourself at the Leadville finish line as you "roll" in on your square tires. It'll make those guys who used single-speeds seem like weenies. By the way, this wheel works especially well if you're riding over a road made out of inverted catenaries.
5. Rhomboid
The biggest problem with this wheel is that nobody remembers what a rhombus is, so the conversation inevitably goes something like this:
Regular cyclist: Got everything you need?
Cyclist with rhomboid wheels: Yes, I'm good. Just fixing another pinch flat.
RC: Dude, what kind of wheels are those?
CWRW [Sighing]: They're the new rhomboid wheels.
RC: Aren't two of the sides supposed to be parallel?
CWRW [Sighing heavily]: No, that's a trap-- What are you staring at? You want me to tell you these wheels are a mistake? OK, they're a mistake! Satisfied?
RC: Chill, dude. I have an extra tube if you need one.
CWRW: Does your extra tube have four segments of varying lengths?
RC: No, it's one of the new octa-tubes.
CWRW: Lucky!
3月9日 Top 5 Mountain Bike Rides in UtahI would like to dedicate this entry to Fatty, who is moving back to Utah. Bastard.
1. Gooseberry Mesa
Back when Paul was merely a prosecutor instead of a judge, he knew the twin brothers who painstakingly carved out the trail on an obscure mesa near Zion's National Park. A few years ago, Paul convinced me to come down one weekend and try it out. I agreed and drove down to his house in St. George. Paul was thrilled to show me this new ride, so he slapped his bike on the back of my car and hopped in. About halfway there, between Hurricane (pronounced "hurakin") and LaVerkin, I noticed a bike bouncing on the highway behind me, flashing in and out of the rear-view mirror with each bounce. In all the excitement, Paul forgot to strap his bike to the rack. We picked up the bike, banged it back into working order, and finally made it to the trail.
Back in its forming stage, there was only one loop. It had a few little slickrock ledges and some pleasant singletrack that meandered through small canyons. I enjoyed the simple little ride, but I remember wanting the trail to be a little more challenging. In particular, I wanted at least one crux move that required more than three attempts for me to make, after which I could kick back and spout off advice to my friends who continued to miss. Every great ride has that. Now that the trail is complete, and now that we've had more time to explore the little slickrock playground areas slightly off the trail, I think we agree that it's the best trail in Utah.
2. Tibble Fork
Fatty described this trail beautifully.
3. Gold Bar Rim
Whenever my buddies and I get together for a Fall Moab trip, Gold Bar Rim is the featured ride on Saturday. We meet up in the parking lot, get our bikes ready, and then Rick gathers us all together for a few words of encouragement. "Welcome, gentlemen, welcome to Moab. I'm not going to take too long, because I know you're all eager to commence, but I'd like to start by thanking..." When Rick finishes, there's a pleasant 5-mile stretch in wide open desert country, allowing us to chat about our lives and warm up our legs. Then the technical moves begin. For the next 6 or 7 hours, we're riding up ledges and dropping off rocks and trying to discover new moves. We usually turn around at the 3-tiered crux move, which I made last year (thank you, thank you, really -- thank you), but every now and then we'll keep going and drop down the Portal Trail, which is beautiful and occasionally deadly. A mountain biker falls off the cliff about once every couple years, it seems.
My favorite Gold Bar Rim experience happened about 15 years ago. Four of us -- Tracy, Brad, Dug, and I -- decided to string together four different rides. We rode Gemini Bridges and Seven Mile Canyon, where we got a little lost until we found our way to Gold Bar Rim in the early afternoon. I had brought only a banana and a candy bar, and I had eaten those hours before. I didn't expect our little four-hour ride to turn into a twelve-hour ride. Our greatest miscalculation was thinking that Gold Bar Rim would be a straight shot along the top of the mesa, but the trail kept taking us up to the top of the mesa and then back down. Back and forth, up and down. None of us was in good shape. I think it was Brad's first time in Moab and I had just gotten a cast removed from a broken hand. Tracy actually had brought food with him, the last of which he offered to Dug and me. We managed to split the peanut butter and honey sandwich without killing each other -- a great triumph of civilized behavior. We kept riding as the sun set. Then we got lost, primarily because of me. (Nowadays, there is no way anyone but Fatty would follow my lead on a new trail, but we were still sorting out those talents back then.) I remember feeling stunned and heart-warmed that they weren't blaming me for getting them lost. After being out on the trail all day long and well into the evening, we got back to Dug's car and devoured a bag of popcorn and a half bag of licorice within 30 seconds. By comparison, we made that Japanese hot dog eater look like a blind old man gumming his food.
4. Slickrock
The most famous mountain bike trail in the whole wide world. Even when it's packed like Disneyland, I still get goose bumps riding out of the parking lot and over the metal grate.
5. Hog's Hollow
Oh, wait. There are houses there now. Nice going, Dug. 2月2日 Top 5 Things I Loved About Yesterday's Ride1. The fun trail
Fatty and I met at Philip Arnold Park to do a network of trails that people call either Crop Circles or Tapeworm. The park is about a 20-minute drive from my house and a 30-minute drive from Fatty's work. Some Boeing engineers wanted to take advantage of the unused land around the electric plant next to the park, so they built a series of trails back in the late 1990s. There are four sections: Mr. DNA, Crop Circles, Tapeworm, and Parasite. Check out the overhead view of Crop Circles:
Now follow the red line from right to left. Notice how you ride throught the circle without crossing the same path?
Mr. DNA and Crop Circles make for a good warmup, but they're not very technical. Tapeworm and Parasite have steeper sections with more switchbacks and logs, not to mention fun extras, like a teeter-totter that you ride over. Here's a map of Tapeworm:
2. We went mountain biking on a rainy day in February
It's been raining so much in Seattle that Wendy's mother called to ask us if we were OK. "Ya'll haven't slid into the ocean, have you?"
"No, we live on top of a hill."
"OK, I was just checking. Bye now!"
If Wendy's mother calls us, she gets off the phone as soon as she can, because her husband doesn't like her to run up the phone bill. But if Wendy calls her, she has to beg to get off the phone. Anyway, while I was driving to the park, it was pouring so hard I had to use the fastest wiper setting. During the ride, there were a few annoying puddles and the roots were wet, but that made some sections even more fun. I love that feeling of pulling my front wheel over roots while riding up past a tree, and you know that your back wheel is going to slide on those roots, so you tilt your bike accordingly, and then you keep pedaling while the back of your bike whips around. When the roots are dry, those moves aren't as fun.
3. It's fun riding with Fatty
When I lived in Seattle before, I would do this ride alone. Unlike road biking, mountain biking isn't nearly as fun to do alone as with company. In fact, it can be downright depressing. So doing this ride with Fatty brings into play all the fun little rituals that we've developed over the years. Like the Three Try rule -- if you miss a move, you have two more chances to make it -- or the Alpha Rider rule -- if you make a move that the other guy misses, you get to go first.
4. The teeter totter moves
It's a blast to ride over the see-saws. My favorite one is about 8-foot long with about an 18-inch fulcrum, and it's in a wide open area. You have to force yourself to keep riding past the center point and pause while the other end of the teeter totter drops to the ground. It's relatively easy, but still thrilling. I've ridden over narrower see-saws that start at odd angles, and the thrill of making it isn't enough to offset the pucker factor.
5. Watching Fatty crash
This would go higher on the list, but Fatty is now so self-conscious about his stuck-pig screams that he suppresses them. On one move, there was a narrow (4") set of slats on both sides of a log. Fatty kept his line on the slats the whole way, but when he dropped off the downhill slats, he either braked or twisted his wheel, causing him to do an endo over the handlebars. Oddly, because he didn't let out a crazy scream, I thought he was seriously hurt. He was just banged up.
Note: Fatty also wrote about this ride.
1月11日 Top 5 Mountain Bike Crashes1. Cori's drop When Cori first started riding with us, he hadn't been mountain biking very much, but he would try any move that anyone else tried. This usually causes new riders pain, but Cori was almost always able to do them without getting hurt. Almost. When Brad and Dug did a wheelie drop off a ledge, Cori wanted to try. They told him to just pull up as hard as he could -- there's no way he could go over since he was going downhill. Wrong. Cori pulled back too hard and dropped off the ledge flat on his back. Whuumpf! He got up and walked around with that look on his face that people get when they've had the wind knocked out of them, as if they're looking for something but can't remember what. When he finally got his wind back, to everyone's surprise and delight, Cori got back on his bike and did the wheelie drop again, this time cleanly. 2. Rich's slow-motion spill This "crash" just happened at the most recent Fall Moab trip. I put "crash" in quotation marks because it's difficult to call a slow-motion spill a crash, and because I know that Minette will make quotation marks with her fingers while she reads this. That makes me happy for some reason. We drove down to Moab on Friday and went directly to Slickrock so that we could get in a couple hours of riding before it got dark. For the day's first move, you have to ride up the side of the dome, make a tricky switchback turn while ducking your head under an overhanging rock, and then ride off-camber up and over the ledge at the top. We all gathered around to start working on this move, hoping to show off our skills to the other riders. At the start of any Moab ride, everyone is excited and in full yuk yuk mode. Rich, a new rider to the group, rode a ways up the side of the dome, lost his balance, and fell to his right. No big deal. We all fall. But Rich oozed down the slope, his bike on top of him. It took him about ten seconds to slide all the way down, and he finally, ridiculously, got wedged between the rock and a juniper bush. In the time it took him to get out from under his bike and stand up, I could have read a novella. Rich was a new rider, so no one said anything. But Rich, that was just a fantastic crash. 3. Ricky's run Rick, Dug, and I were doing a Sunday ride called Hog Hollow in Alpine, Utah. Hog Hollow consists of three loops. For the first loop, you ride about six miles up a double-track trail. The fastest guy to the top boasts while the other riders claim they weren't really racing. Then there's a long, steep section, followed by a fast downhill that resembles a bobsled run. At the beginning of the second loop is a little waterfall, where you strip off your clothes and slide down. If any hikers come up, you may end up doing that thing where you're naked but you continue to stroll around without covering up or acting embarrassed. On this particular Spring day, the waterfall was gushing so hard that there was no way we could slide down, even if we wanted to deal with the freezing Spring run-off. So we kept riding to the third loop, which consists of a quick, technical uphill, following by a short, nasty downhill section that you try to make without dabbing, and then a series of stream crossings. In the Summer and Fall, we rode across these stream crossings, but on this day, we had to carry our bikes across. In the largest stream, Dug went across first, stumbled a bit, but made it. I went next. The water pounded against my lower legs and knocked me off balance. I had to take three stumbling steps forward and throw my bike to the bank as I splashed in the water. Dug laughed hysterically. Bwa ha ha. I started laughing too, especially when I turned around and saw Rick stopped in the middle of the stream with a comical look on his face, the water pounding against his thighs. Rick is shorter than I am, and he was crossing in a deeper place. "Come on, Ricky!" we shouted. And then he was gone. The rushing water took him away. Dug and I were still laughing and running down the trail by the side of the stream, and then we stopped laughing. We knew how steep and rocky that stream was, and how it narrowed to a tunnel that went under a road, and how the tunnel was filled with logs and sticks and debris that would pin Rick between the debris and the gushing water. "Ohshitohshitohshit." A long ways down the stream, just before the death tunnel, we found Rick hanging on to a cable* that ran across the stream. We managed to fish out Ricky, who was badly shaken up. He even vowed to get religion. For the next few months, whenever we'd ask Rick to go on a Sunday ride, he'd say, "I don't ride on Sundays. I'm a man of God." 4. Fatty barks Any cyclist can tell you that falling is a talent. The Fat Cyclist has no falling talent, as he'll be the first to admit. When we were riding the wrong way up Porcupine Rim, he missed a little ledge move and fell awkwardly to his left. That's nothing new, but his reaction was startling. He shouted "Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!" as loud as he could. For one thing, the urgency of his cries had me thinking along the lines of broken ribs, punctured lungs, and helicopters. For another thing, grown men don't say, "Ow." I think his shoulder was bruised. 5. When animals attack! I went into Racer's bike shop for this last Fall Moab trip and ran into a guy that I hadn't seen in years. We didn't know each other well enough to remember names, but at some point he gave me the "You're the guy that..." line. I always dread that line. I don't like being reduced as the guy who does such-and-such, especially not as the guy who got hit by a deer while minding his own business riding a bicycle. I can just see that on my tombstone: ROBERT BRINGHURST 1962 - 2042 THE GUY WHO GOT HIT BY A DEER WHILE MINDING HIS OWN BUSINESS ON HIS BIKE R.I.P.
I didn't even want to talk about it. Still don't.** * In comments, Dug made several corrections. It was barbed wire, not cable, that Rick grabbed onto, and if he had missed the barbed wire, he probably would have died, according to Dug. What Dug doesn't realize is that I had the situation under control. I am a trained lifeguard. ** As Fatty points out, I have written about the deer episode before. So maybe I do want to talk about it. 11月8日 Fall Moab 2005 AwardsToday I'm taking over the blog from my remote location in Utah and departing from the typical Top 5 format. In a hotel room in Moab, we saw a commercial for a video game based on The Warriors. I first saw The Warriors as a teenager. In my mind, it bumped off Blazing Saddles as The Single Greatest Movie Ever Made. So I'm taking a page out of Bill Simmons' book and giving awards based on movie quotes.
Disclaimer: I know this entry may be interesting only to the 10 other people who attended the Fall Moab 2005 event. So be it.
Vermin: How much longer we gotta wait? We might be here forever. This award goes to... Rick, who told everyone to show up at Racer's Cycling Service at 9:00 am, only to arrive himself a little around 11:30. This would have upset us, but we all know how important Rick's time is.
Cowboy: I can't make it.
Ajax: Are you sure? Cowboy: Yes, I'm sure... To... Elden. A couple years ago, the Fat Cyclist tried rolling down a steep ledge, locked his front brake, and went over his handlebars, crashing spectacularly. The ledge became known as "Elden's Bane." This year, Elden had the chance to rename the move "Fatty's Redemption," but he just couldn't get back on that horse. Maybe next year.
In the movie, the Ajax character then says something like, "Good, I'm tired of waiting around for these wimps," and then they turn around and fight the gang dressed in baseball uniforms. Did New York City gangs really dress up in baseball uniforms, face paint, and roller skates back in the '70s? If so, did they really frighten other gangs? I doubt it. Now that I think about it, this movie isn't very realistic.
Luther: There he is... that's him... that's... the warrior!
This award goes to... Rocky. When I last rode with Rocky about five years ago, he was pushing his bike up ledges that I didn't really even consider to be difficult moves. This year, he was making moves that I didn't even try. After each successful attempt, he did his best "aw shucks" Opie impersonation, so there was no good way to bring him down a peg through verbal abuse.
Here's an example. One of my favorite things to do on a mountain bike is the crux move on Gold Bar Rim. The crux move consists of three ledges, each ledge more difficult. If you use a low gear, you don't have enough speed to get over the third ledge. If you use a higher gear, you have to maintain a long sprint to get over the second ledge, and then you have to drive the high gear over the third ledge. Rocky, who had never been on Gold Bar Rim, flashed the move on the first try. The rest of us tried to make the move time after time. Some riders were happy enough just to make it over the second ledge. Other riders were held back by single-speeds. After we spent a half hour there, we decided to head back. So on the way out, Rocky simply rode up the three ledges again. I thought about making fun of him for having only one kidney, but that may have sounded like sour grapes.
Ajax: I'll shove that bat up your ass and turn you into a popsicle.
This award goes to... Tom and Rich, who provided comic relief as a duo, kind of like R2-D2 and C3PO in Star Wars. Here's a sample of their dialogue:
"Get out of my way, idiot!"
"What are you even talking about? I'm just riding."
"You're riding like an idiot. Why don't you just go up one side of the trail instead of swerving all over the place like a moron."
"You're the moron."
"Let me go ahead of you, dipstick."
"I'm going first, dipweed."
This was not an isolated incident. They may need to go in for counseling.
Riffs leader: You Warriors are good. Real good.
Swan: The best. This award goes to... the new Mexican restaurant. The food was good, sure, but the staff treated us like royalty, joking around with us in Spanish and bringing us what we needed before we asked. It has to be difficult for servers in Moab to deal with groups like us. We all dress the same (fleece jackets, baseball hats turned backwards, sandals), walk the same (like proctology outpatients), and act the same (middle-aged men pretending they're kids), but their cheeriness didn't even seem like an act.
Ajax: Since when are you a fuckin' diplomat?
This goes to... Dug, who manages to make everyone feel like they're Dug's best friend. Sorry to break this to you guys, but I am Dug's best friend. Deal with it.
Swan: Why don't you just tie a mattress to your back?
The funniest line in the movie goes to Rick and Paul. My jaw muscles still hurt from laughing.
Swan says this touching line to his new girlfriend, a prostitute from a rival gang. There's actually a poignant scene between these two characters later in the movie. When some rich prom kids hop on the subway and sit across from the gang leader and prostitute, the rich kids quiet down and stare. The prostitute lowers her head and tries to cover her knees. Swan grabs her hand and gets her to hold her head up. The scene was too good for this otherwise cheesy pulp movie. [Note to self: Top 5 Poignant Scenes in Cheesy Movies.]
Swan: Maybe we better take off... Ajax: Yeah, right... This goes to Denny's. After 10 pm, why don't you either close for the night or open the kitchen to the public?
Ajax: Maybe you're all just goin' faggot.
This award goes to anyone involved in the hotel shenanigans. Kenny, those photos of Dug are disturbing. And Rich, don't hug a naked man from behind. Wait until he puts on some clothes and faces you. Then you can hug like a manly Viking.
By the way, the actor who played Ajax was the same guy who played Ganz in 24 Hours. For some reason, he seems to have completely stopped acting for the next twenty years, and then he showed up in "Sex and the City."
Rembrandt: What do you know about Cyrus?
Snow: He's the one and only. This goes to... Brad, who manages to A) find moves that don't seem possible to do without a motor, B) make those moves, and C) make those moves seem effortless. And then after the ride, he runs around the different hotel rooms after the ride begging us to drink tequila because "it's a good digestive."
Swan: Why did you waste Cyrus?
Luther: No reason... I just like doing things like that. I'll take this award. When I had to move Dug's car from the front of the hotel to the back, Tom decided to climb on top of the car for the ride. I'm not sure what he was thinking. When I pulled in to the parking spot, I suddenly remembered that Tom was on the roof, so I slammed on the brakes. Boom, boom, boom; roof, hood, ground.
I just like doing things like that.
Swan: When we get there, you stick close by, okay?
Rembrandt: Don't worry, I don't feel like getting wrecked. This award goes to... Rick. At the end of Gold Bar Rim, the stronger racers -- Kenny, Brad, Dug, Elden, and Rick -- gathered at the top of the hill and then raced downhill to the finish. Sprinting in his highest gear, Rick lost control of his bike and crashed. Lots of blood and bruises, but no broken bones. Next time, stick close by, Ricky, okay?
Rembrandt: The chicks are packed! The chicks are packed!
This award goes to that woman in the blue outfit riding up Amasa Back on Sunday. I went bobbleheaded for a couple of seconds. When did cover models start mountain biking?
Cyrus: Can you dig it?
To... Gary and Richard, for not showing up. You missed a great time, man. Can you dig it?
The most memorable line in the movie goes to Cori, for dropping off what was either a huge ledge or a little cliff. I looked down at the drop and felt like I was standing on a high dive. Cori got up some speed and soared over it, kept his balance, and then jumped over the next one. These photos don't really do the move justice because the landing looks flatter than it really is, but they give you some idea. 10月21日 Top 5 Reasons to Attend Fall Moab 20051. The wide open Canyonlands sky
I'm fairly certain that we're not the only group of friends who gather in Moab to do some mountain biking. But here's the thing. Some of us have been doing the Moab thing since the late '80s, so when we get out on our favorite trails, like Gold Bar Rim or Amasa Back, it feels like our backyard. We own the place; the rest of you are renting. Even Slickrock, which is still overrun with tourists in November, feels bare and open when you go to the right places. Blue sky, red rocks, snaggly green juniper trees. I'm getting so excited I may need Depends®.
2. The moves
Each ride has its own set of moves. Slickrock has Hairlip Hill, Egg Puke Ridge, The Sandtrap, to name just a few. Doing these moves year after year gives you a sense of where you are. I think I'm going to dominate this year.
3. The night-time festivities
A lot of the guys who attend the Fall Moab trip are good Mormons who go to church every Sunday. They never drink alcohol with us. While those of us who no longer abide by the doctrines of the church drink tequila in Woody's Tavern and show off our newest dance moves at The Rio, the Mormon gentlemen stay in their hotel rooms. You know, reading scriptures or watching "Little House on the Prairie" and Fox News. They're just really nice guys.
(And by the way, hello to all the wives of my Mormon friends. How's it going? Great, great.)
4. The cast of notable characters
Dug - He thinks of himself as the alpha dog, but he's more of an activities coordinator, like Julie on "The Love Boat."
Rick - When you're just hanging out on the trail with Rick, he's the nicest guy in the world. Kids are doing great, Big Night is a great movie, hey thanks for the Steinbeck tip. Then if he makes a move that you don't make, he turns into a ballbuster. He'll sit on top of the ridge and give you advice. It's not useful advice, mind you, like changing your acceleration or shifting your weight at a different time. It's intentionally stupid advice, like "Don't hit your pedal on that rock" or "Try not to fall over backwards next time." There's no comeback. The only way to shut him up is to make the move. And even if you do make the move, he gives you a "Nice going, kid," as if you've just been invited to the Big People's table, but if Aunt Pearl shows up, back to the Kid's table you go. If you try to bust his chops for making a move that he couldn't make, he just says, "That's good stuff, keep working on it."
Paul - I've known Paul since I was 8 years old. Every year, he shows up with the same 1993 Kona bike and a powder blue helmet made of styrofoam that he wears over a shaved head. Get this. He's a judge. Like the guy with the gavel who wears a black robe. And few things bother him more than making a big deal out his being a judge. Sorry, Your Honor.
Elden - On some sadistic level, we all hope the Fat Cyclist crashes hard so that we can experience the Elden Wail. Don't get me wrong. We want him to keep riding. We just want to hear the Wail.
Tom - Did you know that Tom used to play rugby at BYU? If you spend more than 30 seconds with Tom, you'll hear all about it. Just don't use the word "extramural." That really bothers him.
Brad - Brad somehow has it in his mind that I'm a good fighter. I haven't been in a fight since 9th grade and I'm six inches shorter than Brad. It doesn't matter. Every year, he gets drunk on Yeigermeister and tries to take me on, and every year, I try to get him to beat up Tom. Muay Thai, is it this year, Brad?
Kenny - [Funny story deleted]
Ballard - The kind of guy you call by his last name. You know, like "Hey Ballard." Nod. "Bringhurst."
I missed about ten other guys, but it's getting late.
5. The goofy little things
Like when you're waiting in the parking area for someone to finish cleaning his bike, so a spontaneous game of derby breaks out. Here's Dug's description of derbying:
"Around these parts we call bike football "derby." we've filled many a parking lot with bike parts and skin shavings. derbying has a few basic rules.
1. hands on the bars (your own bars) at all times; feet on the pedals (your own pedals) at all times.
2. elbows, heads, knees, and shoulders are all useful tools. 3. no t-boning (i think/hope this is self-explanatory. wait, i just blew that, didn't i? if it were self-explanatory, i wouldn't have this horribly long parenthetical thing going.) 4. you touch a foot down (or, you know, if you crash and fall), you get a point. points are bad. 5. whenever you're done, whoever has the fewest points wins. sometimes you play rollerball extreme style, where it's last man standing, sometimes you play with a point limit, or time limit. derby is especially exciting on the trail. Fall Moab 2005: Nov. 4-6. 10月18日 Top 5 Bikes I OwnI had planned on writing about the Top 5 Greatest Rock n' Roll Bands, but that's going to have to wait. The Top 5 staff submitted entries that included The Who, so I sent them back to rework the numbers. Granted, music is a matter of taste, but give me some credit here. The Who will never make it on one of my lists that doesn't include "Overrated" or "Worst" in the title. So I have to write about a different topic today, preferably one that doesn't require the staff's input. The Fat Cyclist wrote about his stable of bikes, so here's mine.
1. The System®
My parents have a second home in Utah. Every Spring and Fall, Wendy and I take the kids out to Utah for a couple weeks, so I needed a full suspension mountain bike to keep there. I bought a Santa Cruz frame from Brad and added sweet componentry. (I don't know why bicycle parts are called "componentry" instead of "components," but who am I to break with conventiontry?) Disc brakes. Tubeless tires. That kind of thing. At some point during the build-up, the entity transcended mountain bike-ness and became known as The Utah Mountain Bicycling System®. Or The System® for short. If anyone has any ideas about cracking wise about The System®, proceed with caution. You've been forewarned.
2. The Greg LeMond road bike
I've been struck on this bike by three different cars and a deer. Still rides like it's new.
3. The Trek touring bike
I have mixed feelings about this bike. I boldly quit my job back in 1994 and rode the bike across Spain. I had planned on riding across Europe, but I was overcome with what doctors call chronic fatigue syndrome. Bad times. A couple years later, after I recovered, Wendy and I rode along the Rhine in Germany and then along the Danube in Austria. Good times. But here's the thing. The bike isn't comfortable. It has a compressed drive train, which was popular for about three months back in the mid-90s. The seat is too wide, and the fenders and racks are heavy, so the bike just feels wrong. Still, this was the bike I rode when I had to ask a Spanish shepherd with three teeth how to get back to the dirt road, so I'll never get rid of it. I just won't ride it unless I have to.
4. The Ibis Mojo mountain bike
I use this bike for mountain biking in Seattle. It's OK, but it has a squirrely feel on downhills.
5. The Specialized Stumpjumper
My backup/loaner bike. Perfect for riding down river beds and derbying. 10月14日 Top 5 Things People Asked Me on the Way Home1. "You RIDE to work?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Don't you have little babies at home?"
"I have life insurance."
"Well, isn't it kind of far to West Seattle?"
"My odometer's broken."
"Oh. Hmm."
2. "Have you seen Tabby?"
A young man and woman were posting signs of their missing cat. Let's see. It's the middle of October. They're looking for a black cat in a middle class neighborhood. Oh, she probably just wondered into the woods. I'm sure she'll turn up soon.
3. "Ever heard of warning people?"
I was getting ready to make a right turn while riding behind another cyclist. The car in front of us turned right without signaling. The turn was so sharp that the rear right tire drove over the curb. The cyclist in front of me stopped; I slowed way down and swerved around him on the right. When it was clear, we both made the same right turn. As he started talking, I felt a sense of comraderie. We'd both just watched a bizarre driving stunt, and I expected the cyclist to say something about idiotic drivers. Instead, he was complaining in a high-pitched, banana-in-the-tailpipe voice about the fact that I passed him on the right without saying, "On your right." I rode ahead without saying anything. A normal person would just let it go, but that's not so easy for me. I obsessed about it for the next ten minutes.
Yes, I probably should have warned him. It's the polite thing to do. No, I shouldn't have! We were both practically stopped! Still, you could have said, "On your right!" Yeah, and I could have beat his ass too, so he should be thankful I didn't. You couldn't beat anyone's ass. I'll beat your ass, assface. You're the assface. Let's just agree to disagree, shall we? OK . . . Assface.
4. "Where's the West Seattle, um, hospital?"
I was riding up Delridge. An old guy with missing teeth pulled up next to me and asked me through the passenger window where the West Seattle hospital was. I was pretty sure West Seattle doesn't have a hospital. A couple weeks ago, when Luke knocked a tooth through his lip while monkeying around in his crib, we had to look up the nearest hospital, and it was in downtown Seattle. So I said to the guy in a loud and confident voice, "I DON'T KNOW WHERE THE HOSPITAL IS!" Acting cocksure is always the best way to temper the lack of knowledge.
After the guy drove away, I wondered why he paused between saying "West Seattle" and "hospital." Did he mean the kidney hospital? He passed that miles ago. And then it hit me. He was looking for the mental hospital. I should be a detective. He was probably afraid to say, "Excuse me, can you tell me where the mental hospital is?" Now I can see why a guy with only a handful of teeth doesn't want to run around asking strangers where the mental hospital is. Still, if he's serious about finding the place, he should just go with it. For flair, he could add, "I'm looking for the Queen of Spades. She has my golden orb." I like details.
5. "Da da?"
"Yes, Daddy's home."
Best part of the day. 9月9日 Top 5 Dumbest Things I've Done on a Bike1. Riding the White Rim Trail on Summer Solstice
Dug and I had ridden the White Rim Trail in one day before, but we wanted more of a challenge. So we decided to ride the White Rim Trail again, but this time on the hottest day of the year. Temperatures reached 105 degrees in Moab that day, and the White Rim Trail, which is a 100-mile loop in the Canyonlands' basin, was probably 10 degrees hotter. We did the first 50 miles in 4 hours, the next 48 miles in 8 hours, and the last 2 miles in 3 hours. When we got to our camp, I collapsed in the dirt while Dug crawled into the tent. When I finally managed to drag myself into the tent an hour later, I saw that Dug had finished vomiting and was dry heaving. We kept telling each other we needed to get to the hospital, but neither of us had the energy to make it to the car, let alone drive. I think we had gone beyond heat exhaustion and moved into heat stroke territory. We survived, but Dug suffered a permanent brain cloud that causes belligerent behavior.
2. Being tentative on the seesaw move
An electric plant near the Sea-Tac airport includes a network of trails designed by Boeing engineers. To get the most out of the tight space, the engineers used various patterns to lay out the trail network. One section of trail goes back and forth across a ravine. Another section lets you ride inward to the center of a circle and then ride back out without having to double back on the same trail. Throughout these trails are tricky little man-made moves, like the seasaw move, which is a plank fastened to a fulcrum on a tree stump. The trick to making this move is get the right speed to ride just past the stump, where you keep your balance while the far side of the plank drops, and then ride down. With too much speed, you lose control or go too far past the center point and slam down. With too little speed, the far side of the plank fails to drop. I had made this move before, but on this day I was feeling nervous. Instead of taking my time like an Olympic diver and getting my mind right, I decided to try the move while still feeling edgy. I went up too slow, lost my balance, and fell over. My helmet was dented and the top half of my little finger was bent at a 90-degree angle.
3. Using clipless pedals for the first time on Slickrock
In the early 90s, Brad and I bought the fancy new pedals that let you clip in with cleats. These pedals were common on road bikes, but relatively new to mountain bikes. To test out the pedals, we decided to drive down to Moab and ride Slickrock. These pedals required you to click your heel out to release the cleat, but we were in the habit of just pulling a foot back. Brad and I tested the pedals a few times in the parking lot, and thought we had it down. Brad climbed up the first hill, stopped, and fell over. The comical thing about falling like that is that while you're frantically trying to pull your heel back, it appears to onlookers that you've fallen asleep on your bike and just tipped over out of indifference. I rode up to Brad, thinking of a clever way to bust his chops, and fell over myself. We continued to fall onto the hard ground just about every time we stopped or missed a move. We were so sore and beat up that we had to drink alcohol at Woody's Tavern.
4. Admiring feminine beauty during a right turn
While riding my bike to work, I noticed two women walking on the other side of the street. As I approached the stop sign, I glanced quickly to the left to make sure no cars were coming, and then resumed my admiration of the women while making a right turn. Unfortunately, a driver, who happened to be an undercover cop, sped forward out of his driveway and turned left. We collided. I managed to clip out of my pedals and bounce off the hood, or it would have been more serious. The cop was concerned about the dent in his bumper where he struck my leg, while my thoughts were focused on my leg. An ambulance took me away. I could swear my leg was broken, but the x-rays showed that my bone was merely bent. The pain and numbness was caused by a compressed nerve, which doctors cleverly call "compressed nerve syndrome." Fortunately, I separated a shoulder, broke a collarbone, and suffered a concussion, or I would have felt wimpy for using an ambulance.
5. Failing to bring my deer rifle on a ride
First, I must admit that deer are not precious to me. On the spectrum of animals I value, deer fall somewhere below the rabbit and above the cockroach. Rick and Dug and I rode on road bikes to the top of South Fork canyon. During the descent, those guys went ahead of me. As they rounded a bend, they startled a herd of deer that had gathered in the middle of our road. Most of the deer leapt gracefully up into the woods, but one deer was stupidly trying to bounce through a chain-link fence. As I approached, the deer bolted away from the fence and straight into me. We collided and got tangled. I had rolled over the deer and my bike was on top of the deer. One of my pedals was clipped in. The deer was lunging and writhing and slipping on the asphalt road. In a moment of weekness or cowardice, I decided against attacking the stupid beast, letting it run off to join its savage friends. Insult to injury, Rick and Dug* saw the whole thing. More insult to injury, anyone I told the story to had the same vapid response: "Was the deer OK?"
* Fatty claims he was there, and not Dug.
Also considered:
- Making the Fat Cyclist crash on Kokopelli's trail. (This one probably belongs, but I can't remember what happened. I just know I made him crash.)
- Riding across the arch above Poison Spider Mesa. 8月15日 Top 5 Parts of My Bicycle Commute1. The Fremont canal
I have a 13-mile bike ride from Adobe in Fremont to my home in West Seattle. I begin the ride home by crossing the Fremont Bridge, and then I ride along the canal for a mile or so. There is a huge pile of blackberry bushes along the trail, so this time of year I often stop and fill a container with blackberries. We eat the blackberries for breakfast with yogurt and peaches bought at the Sunday market. I watch people rowing, kayaking, and cruising in boats. The tall boats require the Fremont Bridge to open so that it can pass through. If I hear a boat toot its horn three times, I start sprinting to make sure I get across the bridge before it opens up.
2. Myrtle Edwards Park
I can take a shorter route home if I cut across downtown, but all the lights and cars slow me down enough so that it’s just as fast to ride around Queen Anne hill and along the Puget Sound. The reward is that I get to ride through Myrtle Edwards Park. I follow the bike path on the inlet, and then I have a choice: take a sharp 90-degree turn to the left along the bike path or go straight and drop 15 feet into the Pacific Ocean -- the path less taken. If I covered myself in cellophane, ate fish, and drank rainwater, I could swim all the way to Germany. But how would I get back?
3. Alaska Way
After I get through Myrtle Edwards Park, I ride along Alaska Way, the street below Pike Place Market where tourists shop, pop into places like the aquarium, and take ferries to various islands. I like being around tourists. Not only is there an overall sense of celebration, but many tourists are pretty. I like to look at them. But every now and then, I am thrown off by the rudeness of a tourist who looks at me as if I were ogling her. Let’s take yesterday’s example.
A woman wore a tight t-shirt with “Hilfiger” lettering, only the “Hi” and the “er” were stretched out by the two large breasts stuffed within the t-shirt. I was riding along, sort of paying attention to the road, but mostly staring at the woman’s chest. Isn’t there a missing letter? Shouldn’t it be Hilfinger? Or Hillfigger? And then I looked up and noticed that she was giving me the stink eye. Rule of thumb: if you have two large breasts and you wear a t-shirt with puzzling lettering, you shouldn’t be offended if we take a few moments to sort out the situation. Some of us are slow readers. Look ma’am, I was not leering at your mammoth boobs; I was spell-checking your wardrobe. I’m an educated man, which is why I say Non mea culpa. Youra culpa. Youra maxima culpa. You should be spanked. Not too hard. Just enough to make your bare cheeks turn a light shade of rosy pink. Oh.
4. The West Seattle Bridge
I still don’t know what the West Seattle Bridge is exactly, because it seems like a huge set of roads coming and going, and when people talk about the West Seattle Bridge being closed, I have no idea which road they're talking about. Somehow, a bike path winds through the maze of roads and ramps, allowing cyclists to ride the whole thing without having to take their feet off the pedals. Seattle is a friendly place for bicycle commuters.
5. The financial benefits
* I save money by not having to drive a car to work. In fact, we have only one car.
* Adobe gives me a $30 gift certificate each month in which I ride my bike to work more than half the time. I can use it at REI, Phillips 76, or the YMCA. Adobe also provides a bike cage in the garage with a bicycle repair area. Adobe is a friendly company for bicycle commuters.
* I arrive to work with a decent amount of sweat, which means I have to use only one-third as much Musk for Men cologne as I usually wear. 8月11日 Top 5 Favorite Cycling Races1. Leadville 100
The Leadville 100 is going on this Saturday in the mountains of Colorado. It's an epic 100-mile mountain bike ride that starts at 10,000 feet and tops out at a little more than 13,000 feet. To put this in perspective, go down to sea level, stack 13,000 rulers end to end, and then climb up it and look down. What I love most about the race is that you get a silver belt buckle for finishing in under 12 hours, and you get a gold buckle if you finish in under 9 hours. In other races I've been in, there are the winners in various categories, and everyone else is an also-ran. For a mediocre rider like me, I can train hard, have a great race, and beam with joy when I finish 137th out of 326 riders: "Hey, look at me! I'm upper middle pack!"
The problem I've had with Leadville is that I've never been strong enough to make it in under 9 hours. I would guess that in my peak form, say, back in 1994, I would have finished Leadville in 9:00:23. So close! I get angry just thinking about it! For those of you doing the race, good luck. That even goes for you, Elden.
2. Alpine Days
This race takes place early in the morning in the small town of Alpine, Utah. During Alpine Days, people crowd around the central park near the fire station, sell baked goods, and do Norman Rockwell things. The race course takes you over a bike ride called Hog Hollow, or Hog's Hollow for short. I loved this race so much that I did it one year with a broken collarbone. I passed Scotty near the waterfall and never saw him again. Remember when I beat you with a broken collarbone, Scotty? I sure do.
3. 24 Hours of Moab
This is a relay race that starts Saturday at noon and ends Sunday at noon. The team that does the most laps wins. With fresh legs and the right condition, it takes about an hour to go around the course. After a few laps, when you're sleep deprived, bloody, and exhausted, wearing lights that fade and flicker in the snow, it takes about an hour and ten minutes. That's right, T-Bone! It's like I was shot out of cannon! Some people do this ride solo.
4. Tour de France
I last competed in the Tour de France in 1995. An interesting thing about riding in the Tour de France as a relative unknown is that there is a distinct hierarchy. Only the top riders can go anywhere near the front of the pack, unless they’re in on a breakaway. When I tried to ride near race-favorite Miguel Indurain, his teammates jabbed me with elbows and showered me with spit. Timid to a flaw, I dropped towards the back of the pack. I had no teammates to defend me because rather than affiliating myself with a team and its corporate sponsors, I decided to do the race solo. Perhaps I was being too idealistic. But I’m making this too long. Listen to me going on about my glory days! To wrap things up, I felt particularly strong during one of the stages, from Mont Faux to Col de Merde, so I whipped around the leaders, rang my bell a couple times to taunt them, and apparently took a wrong turn, because I ended up in Belgium, which serves excellent raspberry beer by the way.
5. The Chilly Hilly
In February, cyclists hop on the ferry from downtown Seattle to Bainbridge, and then ride around the island, stopping at various places to drink chocolate, eat lunch, and chat with friendly volunteers. It's more of an event than a race, especially since no one keeps track of anyone's time. I won the Chilly Hilly in 1999 and then again in 2000.
Next topic: Top 5 Most Intense Scenes in Movie History 7月27日 Top 5 Bicycle Commuter Menaces1. The Shouter
The Fat Cyclist just wrote about this. I'm riding along the shoulder of the road in a pleasant meditative state, and some clown shouts, "HAARGH!" I jump a bit, startled, and then get a look at the guy who's hanging out the window. He has the same expectant expression every time. He's hoping for a reaction, like a middle finger or an expression of anger or a pee stain. He's getting ready to burst out laughing, and his eyes are dim, as if he's been sniffing paint thinner. I wonder what kind of conversation he has with his buddy afterwards. It probably goes something like this:
Shouter: Dude, did you see that guy jump? He was, like, scared and shit.
Driver: Fuuuck.
Shouter: I was all "HAARGH" and he was all, like, um, guh!.
Driver: Duuude.
Shouter: We should start a show on MTV. We could get a videocamera, and go around and yell at people and get what they do on tape and stuff. HAARGH!
Driver: Fuuuck.
Shouter: Yeah, and we could get guys on bicycles and and that dick at the video store and old people in the park.
Driver: Old people.
Shouter: They'd be like "What are you doing, young man?" and I'd be like "HAARGH!"
Driver: Dude,there's a sheep. I'm pulling over.
2. The Black Guy Who Asks If You Want Your Ass Popped with a Cap
I was lost in downtown Bellevue after having ridden around Lake Washington, and this loud red car buzzed me, forcing me into the gutter. Already frustrated, I flipped the bird. He stopped at the light, and I pulled up to his right side, getting ready to call him an asshole for running me off the road. I looked in the car and saw a guy who looked like he walked off the set of a bad MTV2 video. He was wearing a bright blue sweat suit and gold chains around his neck. He had a gun. He asked if I wanted my ass popped with a cap.
My mind was flooded with thoughts. If I don't back down, I'm going to be on the 11:00 news. Isn't the expression, "Pop your ass with a cap"? This guy isn't going to shoot me. He's not even pointing the gun at me. Some of my best friends aren't black. I should tell him to put the gun down and fight like a man. Is he big with muscles or big with fat?
I held up my hands as if to say, "You win this one, but I bet I had better SAT scores that you." He drove off and continued to do urban black thug things.
3. The Pass and Turn Driver
A driver swerves to go around you and then makes a right turn, forcing you to brake hard or collide. Back in college, a guy actually made eye contact with me while he was passing, and then made a right turn before he'd even passed me all the way. Clunk. He knocked me down and rode over my front wheel. He was a nice guy (this was BYU, after all), and offered to pay for my broken bike, but all I wanted from him was an explanation. If you saw me, and saw I was moving, why would you cut me off? He said he didn't know. OK, well don't do it again. Gosh!
4. Cars with Bumper Stickers
I once rode by a Mazda 626 with a bumper sticker that said, "SUBVERT THE DOMINANT PARADIGM." OK, Mr. Mazda 626, Mr. Rebel, what dominant paradigm are you subverting today? Maybe you're drinking soy in your latte, maybe you're putting a love seat in your cubicle, or maybe you're getting a tattoo above your ankle. But know this: you are distracting cyclists with your silly bumper stickers.
5. The Jealous Swerver
This used to happen often when I rode up a tight hill on my way home during rush hour. A driver would see me riding up the right side of the slow-moving cars, and nudge the car to the right, preventing me from passing. So I would ride behind and around the car, flash her a stink eye, put my hand on the hood, and keep riding until I could work my way back to the thin right shoulder. I don't know why drivers have to slide over to prevent the bicycles from going around. In some cases, drivers are oblivious, but I'm not talking about them. It's the drivers swerve over intentionally that I don't get. Maybe they think it's illegal for bicyclists to pass cars on the right, or maybe they don't like being stuck and they're lashing out. For some reason, this person doesn't really bother me that much. Maybe that's because I'm not stuck in a traffic jam.
Also receiving votes:
Drivers Who Honk When You Do Something Semi-Illegal
Taxi Drivers
Drivers Who Go Too Slowly Across a 4-Way Stop 7月16日 Top 5 Moments in 2005 Tour de France1. David Zabriske crashes out of the yellow jersey
Zabriske beat Lance by 2 seconds in the opening time trial. For those of you who don't watch the Tour de France, the lead rider gets to wear the yellow jersey. It is for this reason that so many women are not only willing to watch the Tour de France during the wee hours of the morning, but they actually get into it to the point where they ask questions that require you to make up an answer. That never happens with any other sport. Women just love France, and they love the tight uniforms, but most of all they love the jersey pageantry: polka dot jersey for the best climber, white jersey for the fastest young racer, green jersey for the most sprinting points, and yellow jersey for the fastest Texan who overcomes testicular cancer. Even if a rider like Zabriske has no chance of ultimately winning the tour, wearing the yellow jersey for a few stages is a life-altering event.
So little Davey Zabriske out of Salt Lake held the yellow jersey, and during the team time trial, his team was dead even with Team Discovery, which meant that all Zabriske had to do was ride out the last two kilometers (for the metrically challenged, that's 6.481557699798877e-14 parsecs) without falling down. For seemingly no reason, he went down as if a shotgun blast took out his back wheel. It reminds of crashing on Hog Hollow, where you're riding downhill along the high side of a gulley, and the next thing you know you're face down in the trench after cracking your head so hard, thwap, that your memory is a few seconds behind the present. It's as if your brain was paused on TiVo. Insult to injury, his team paused for a moment, and then kept riding without him, losing by 2 seconds to Lance's team. Exciting stuff.
2. Early Thomas Voeckler breakaway
All ten minutes of it. Last year, a mediocre French rider (is that redundant?) named Thomas Voeckler held the yellow jersey for 10 stages, nearly half of the tour. During each climb of the mountain stages, he would lag behind, fans would urge him to fight back, and he would manage to climb back to the main pack by sheer force of will, the Little Engine That Could. Then he would repeat the same slinky stunt on the next climb, and the next. It was oddly amusing and inspiring. You see, I know what it's like to be a mediocre rider in the Tour de France. I competed in the Tour in 1992, 1993, and again in 1995, and I finished 86th, DNF, and 18th, respectively. There was a frustrating sense of anonymity, as if no one else was aware I was racing. To make matters worse, I was riding a Schwinn 3-speed, and I was contractually obligated to include purple grip tassles. Fortunately, I was able to convince my sponsor that the rainbow-colored spoke balls added too much weight and wind resistence. I've got stories.
Anyway, during this year's second stage, Voeckler broke away from the pack, the announcers wet themselves and fought over the microphone, and then the peloton (French for "peloton"1) caught up to the little breakaway, and that's the last we saw of Voeckler. Still, it was a great moment while it lasted.
3. Team Discovery fails Lance
During the first semi-mountain stage, Team Discovery, which usually is the strongest team in the field, dropped back one-by-one from the lead field, leaving Lance alone to cover the attacks from his rivals. Whenever it looks like Lance may not win easily, the race instantly becomes thrilling. Sadly, Lance bridged each attack, and then scolded his dedicated teammates during the post-race interview for having had a bad day. Lance has a big ball.
4. Chris Horner nearly wins flat stage
During the flat stages, there is always a breakaway that includes a few middle-of-the-pack riders, and the teams with the best sprinters charge hard to reel in the breakaway so that their sprinters get a shot at a coveted stage win. On rare occasions, the breakaway holds the lead, and there's an exciting sprint finish between two or three riders for whom that day will be the highlight of their cycling careers, and maybe the highlight of their lives. It looked like the Californian Chris Horner might actually hold the lead in a two-man breakaway. The announcers were shouting:
"They might hold the lead!"
"This could be the escape of the race!"
"They may have cheated the sprinters!"
Horner and the other racer rounded the bend, and the sprinters flew around the bend close behind. Horner sat behind the other breakaway rider in the ideal sprinting position, gambling that the sprinters wouldn't catch him. The gamble didn't pay off as Robbie McEwan, an evil Australian sprinter, passed the breakaway riders in the last few meters and won the stage.
5. George Hincapie Wins Stage
The Tour de France is a team event. Lance has eight teammates who are dedicated to helping him win. During the critical mountain stages, the team riders take turns pulling (riding behind someone is about 20% easier than riding alone), and when they're spent, they drop off and are forced to go it alone. In yesterday's stage, Hincapie went in the breakaway group so that if Lance got into trouble, Hincapie could drop back, rest, and help Lance make it. Lance didn't need the help, so Hincapie was able to go after a victory. Because of his support role, he never took turns pulling, so his legs were relatively fresh (as fresh as your legs can be after riding 140 miles over 5 mountain passes), and he won the mountain sprint easily. Support riders don't often win stages, so it's nice to see them get credit. Plus, I love the Spanish phrase, Quisiera hacer hincapie en . . . which means "I want to emphasize . . ."
1 "Peloton" actually refers to a small military group, based on the French word for small pellet. My Cliff Claven impulse is too strong. 7月4日 Top 5 Favorite Tour de France Riders1. Greg LeMond
The first bike race I ever watched intently on television was when LeMond won the amazing time trail against Fignon on the final stage of the tour to win by eight seconds. He was a bit of a whiner, and he speaks French a little too well for my taste, but he still goes at the top of the list, primarily because he was a clean rider.
2. Tyler Hamilton
He was right up there among the best racers. He helped Lance win a couple times. He wrote Tyler Tunes.
3. Lance Armstrong
He's not easy to root for. Usually, I root against cancer victims, mostly because I don't like people who "struggle" with cancer. But when he dominates his sport like Tiger or Michael, you have to respect him. As a bonus, no one discusses competition better than Lance. He'll be a great commentator, if he goes that route.
4. Erik Zabel
I always root for him in the sprints. He's not an American, or he'd be much higher on the list. He was left off the team this year so that Vinokourov can win.
5. Marco Pantani
Marco! Marco! |
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